Despite all the technological advances in the world, people can be annoying - whether or not they even realize it. Maybe I should begin by addressing some basic movie theatre etiquette since a lot of people don't seem to get it. Much of this could cross over to pretty much any public event but for the sake of this blog entry here are my basic guidelines.
- Turn off your cell phone. At MINIMUM, turn it on silent or vibrate. Seriously, though, turn it off. If you can't do without it for a couple of hours maybe you shouldn't be at a movie theatre. You may think you're being all sneaky texting people but guess what? THE SCREEN LIGHTS UP. In a dark movie theatre, this is called a distraction. Just don't.
- Don't talk. For some people this is really hard to do. I've attended movies with such people and it's a bit embarrassing. Having a full on conversation - particularly about something totally unrelated - during a movie is rude. People can hear you. They don't want to. Snapping at people for telling you to shut up doesn't help.
- Do NOT bring small children to adult movies. I mean anything with adult content in it. I once went to a midnight showing of a Stephen King movie and some dimwit brought a toddler. Naturally the kid was scared to death and screamed & cried off & on through the whole thing. Seriously, hire a sitter or rent the movie. I went to see Cable Guy and some guy brought a kid who screamed through it and when confronted, he said the kid wasn't his. It was. We got a refund.
- If you can't sit through a movie without getting up to pee, choose an aisle seat. This also applies to those who take advantage of the popcorn & pop refills. If you can't sit through a movie and insist on trying, at least choose the aisle so everyone else isn't disturbed by the ants in your pants.
- Do NOT kick the seat in front of you. For this reason I now try to only sit in the back row. I went on xmas day to see one of the Lord of the Rings movies in the theatre. Two HOURS into the movie - with an hour left to go - the woman behind me was relentlessly kicking the back of my seat. More on this later.
Back to the kicking of the back of my chair during Lord of the Rings. One may ask, What do you do if someone kicks the back of your seat? Here's how it went in this case. First I turned around and glared. It was completely useless as she was fixated on the movie. Fine. To get her attention, I threw wrappers at her. I was out of popcorn and had been eating LifeSavers so I crumpled up bits of wrapper & tossed them over my shoulder, then was hoping once I got her attention, I could glare and things would end. Nope, she was oblivious. My back was already uncomfortable from sitting in the same position for two hours and the kicking was beginning to feel like gunfire. I seriously think it was comparable to Chinese water torture. I was on an aisle. I looked around at the foot. Her legs were crossed so the offending foot was actually near the aisle. Once I had the position pinpointed, I reached around (while still facing forward) and grabbed her foot sharply, then released it and retracted. SUCCESS! Finally! She mumbled she was sorry and was more aware of where her feet were for the next hour.
Not only did that incident impair my ability to enjoy the film, the fact that she was so completely oblivious to it and all the effort I had to put into getting it to stop just made me miserable. I think it was over a year before I went back to a movie theatre.
So, I thought that had to be one of the worst things a person could physically do to interrupt my movie watching experience in a theatre. (Aside from the others on my list which are also annoying). I don't recall the movie, but some kid, I think she was like 11 or 12 because of the height, STOOD UP a row or two in front of me in the middle of a movie. Not only that, but she did a full-on stretch with her arms over her head. This was not a long movie like Lord Of The Rings. It was a typical 90 minute or less film. Do you know what my second thought was? (First being something about being pissed off). THAT would be the ultimate way of getting back at a seat kicker!
Now let me tell you that I had the opportunity to try it. I'm not sure what magnetizes these people to me but very often a seat kicker ends up behind me if I'm not in the last row. I always try the glare first. I don't know why because it never works. It would on me I guess because I'd notice if the person in front of me turned around. But anyway, this other seat kicker was as oblivious as the first one. I didn't throw wrappers or anything. When the glare failed, I simply stood up for a second and sat back down. I felt like an idiot doing it, I have to admit. It felt totally awkward. When I sat back down and the kicking resumed, I was annoyed and stood up again. This time more confidently and a bit longer. After this happened the third time, the guy rudely told me to sit down. I said I'd be happy to sit if my seat wasn't being kicked anymore. Truce.
I don't mean to sound high maintenance because I'm truly not. I mean my siblings both complain about the way people eat and such. I'm scared to chew popcorn beside my sister because she glares. Most times she won't even let me have popcorn, she insists on quiet snacks. Still, they have wrappers and if I shuffle the wrapper at the wrong moment they either end up on the floor and/or I get a sharp elbow to the rib. She's a most delightful one to take to the movies. Then she'll tell me afterward about the popcorn mannerisms of others in the theatre.
